


Double the Poodle Trouble

by phalarope (mniotilta)



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Supernatural, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Chemistry, M/M, educational fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-06 02:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14631731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mniotilta/pseuds/phalarope
Summary: yeah idk just read it





	Double the Poodle Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> note that the notes are written from a few days ago before i finished this fic and was very tired but they'res still good and True so i share anyway:
> 
> i accudentally left the window open all day and now there are bugs everywhere in the office/storage/bunk bed room where i sleep when i'm at work and there is nothign like writing some fanular fiction while the occasional moth crawls into your tank top to cop a feel. thanks i guess
> 
> not editing any mistakes i make to better imprive this expereinces for us all i am very bad at typing

ones uPON A time there was mr. nikikoroviv, best high school man, popular man at st. mathew's boy school for handsome boys. he was 27 years old but that did not stop him from being best high school. Smart...... funny...... hamsome....... charming...... good at the skating on frozen water...... he had it all despite being just a regualr high school boy. today he was at his high school in class of history, books, he had them, and he was ready to start the day. the teacher morphed out of thin air and she cleared her thuderous voice so the whole class could listen  
  
"HELLO CLASS," she said, "WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT HERE TODAY, WHO HAS TRANSFERED HERE" and the class went :O but viktor kept his good face on with his heart shape mouth. he was too perfec to let a transfer student phase him.  
  
but he was wrong. As Jeff Goldbum slammed open the door with his powerful sexy leg, Viktor started changing phases from solid to gas, totally bypassing liquid entirely and doing a chemical process known as sublimation. Now thank me for all of youse people taking the chemistry classe sout there, now when you have your teacher go on a test or in class ohhhh what do you call going from solid to gas, you can raise your hand high or check the box on that motherfucking question because you know it's sublimation because of this terrible piece of creative writing you read online in which real-life actor Jeffory Goldenbloom and a fictitious gay ice skater learned the true meaning of love. Anyway as viktor begain dispersing to fill his container (since he was now a gas cloud), he was suddenly pulled back into a solid state (this is called deposition) by his friend, charlie kelly, co-owner of paddy's pub who sat next to him in this class.  
  
"dude, do you see this guy?!?!??!?" screeched charlie kelly in his chipmunk man voice. Jeff goldblum walksed to the front of the class with proud steps and nonchalantly and casually posed. "he's like a real life copy of you but older. stronger. wiser"  
  
"hello citizens of townsville, i am jeff goldblum," said jef goldblgm. i am 65 "years" old and beautiful. i hope you appreciated m work in jurassic park and also the one mvoie with thor in it." everyone in the classroom wondered why years was in quotation marks, but that is because jefg foldbuum is too powerful for mortal constraints of time and space. he is beyond age. he is timeless, like an timeless spiritual being sent to earth. Charlie kelly started gripping his desk really tightly, for he suddenly regocnized goldman. you see, charlie kelly is actually a primordial chaos god in mortal form and he has like, goddar, which is like gaydar but for gods. charlie kelly made eye contact with jeff boldblum and suddenly he disapeared from reality. there can only be one chaos god on this mortal plane, and viktor wasn't even paying attention to his friend from philidelphia being baniushed to the shadow realm. he just kept staring at him.. in his big round orbs of eye matter. look how those corenas glisen. fucking beautiful.  
  
the animators drew viktor really badly during this next scence, with many good QUALITY screenshits. jefford moved and sat down in his seat like a regular man right next to viktor, and smiled knowingly. he winked. viktor winked back. it was love, but it was not agape, nor was it eros, no. this was the most powerful love in the world, the power that only two people who are so similar cna share.  
  
"uwaaaaaa" gasped biktop. uwu  
  
class began and went. the teacher ended class by slamming the gavel down on the table. teen court was over.  
  
it was the last class of the day, but viktor was sooooo flustered!!!! he immaditely ran home, running past the lockers, russian mcdonlands, americna mwconalds, and several costcos, until he arrived home. here he was greeted by his dog, maakachin.  
  
H E L L O          M A S T ER      said the dog, telepathically.     I    A M      R E A D Y    T O    G O    O N      O U R       D A I L Y     W A L K        A N D         T A K E      A      G I A N T         S H I T      O N        S O M E B O D Y 'S      L A W N.  
  
"ohhh macckachin!!!" vikorp sighed, dramtically, melting off the couch and into the carpet. " i met this BOY today"  
  
Y E S.   T H I S   I S   G O O D    said the dog while licking viktor's face. he was both reffering to the delicious salty texture of viktor's pasty ass skin and also the fact that his master had a love prospect.  it was raining outsie but the ystill decided to go on teh walk. umbrella.  
  
nobody outside currently, because it was raining like a fucking monsoon. but viktor was strong. ice skaters are immune to cold damage and have movement advantage on any kind of watery terrain. this was Fine. and makkachin-kun was strong, like an ox.  
  
then, they saw another figure through the sheets of rain, with awhat looked like another dog. as they got closer, viktor realized it was teh same type of dog as Macchan! holy shit!!!! that's so cool!!!!!!! who owned this beauty???  
  
it was him. jeffonathon goldblimp.  
  
OH1!!!!!!!!!!! what was this!!!!!!!!! Vktor did not know what to say!!!! TO HIS CRUSH!!!!!  
  
good thing jeff spoke forst.  
  
"hey, same dog!"  
  
"Saem dog!"  
  
" same dog!!!"  
  
as they shouted same dog at each othe ra lot, their dogs got tiwsted together, in their leashes, as they ran around and talked an ancient, infernal language together, tying up their two owners face to face like that one scene in 101 dalmatianes buy the disneay corpotation. disne. we pay many of our workers like shit and own too much stuff. but we magicals (tm). 1010 dlamations is a good movie though, says a 5 year old me.  
  
h-hearts.... beating fast???? lips..... so close..... jeff..... so handsum????? and jeff was blushing too!! could he..... f-f-el th esame??  
  
: OOOOOOOOOO  
  
THEY...... KISSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
it was magical!!!! so powerful was this love that the storm dissapated, cherry blossums fell, spring happened, birds sang, angels cried, yuri pliysessicy also cried, and jeff and viktor with his heart hsaped mouth went to town on each other's faces  
  
"HOLD UP" said a new voice  
  
"u can't just eintterupt peopel while they made out" said Samueuel, from ~~30 rock~~ supernatural. "that is jsut ruDE deany weany"  
  
"SHIT UP!!!" said Deany weeny, cocking his wapon (lol). "I HAVE thE GUN!!!" he pointed at the newly married couple.  
  
"what is this???? what happen??" said Viktor  
  
"i don't know??? said Jeff boldblum. they scared and hold each other in arms.  
  
"SIR STAND ASIDE" said Dean, demon cop. "THERE IS A VAMPIRE OVERHERE" he was pointing at jeff.  
  
Viktor was sad emoji. Jef..... his bf/fiancee/husband.... was VAMPir?? how happen?? why happen?? :( they could ont be together for ever....... too much sunburn...... and Viktor had so little blood to share.... it would make relatinship hard.  
  
"me??? VAMPer? i am not one." said Jeff Goldblum-Nikiforov. "i may sleep in a coffin at night and sometimes like to aprtake in the occult, but that is normal for an american such as myself.  
  
"then WHOM the Fuck is the vampure??" said Dean, pointing the gun at Viktor Nickiminaj. "you???"  
  
"no!!!! i am simply russian!!!!"  
  
"HMMM.... then who vampire???"  
  
it was then, the vampire was discovered. it had been with them this whole time. teh vampire. was no other. than maacahcin. AND jeff dog.  
  
plot twist.  
  
Maccahcing and Jeff dog burst from their dog prison and revealed themselves tobe two identical draculas.  
  
<big>STOP!!!!!!!</big> voice yell. please pretend the html works.  
  
they all looked up into theavens. angle came down, and another figure. the first figure, was Castiel, angle man. he had so many protractors and triangles all over him.  
  
"there has been a mistake. these are.... Good Draculas Dean." said Cast. "our intelligent was wrongcore. one of heavens most powerful associates has made it be known." I hope this is is in line with supernatural canon, i watched like all of the show in like a month because people told me to watch it and it was okay but i haven't caught up with it since the episode whree dean turned into a doggo or something like that.  
  
anyway Cas pointed to the figure next to him and bowed. the light was blinding, but as jeff goldblum and viktor held each other warmly, they saw who had asved their vampire dracula dogs from being killed. it was.... Charlie!  
  
"OH HEY GUYS WHAT'S UP???" said Charliy Kelly. "I'M GOAN BE BANNED FROM REALITY SOON B/C ONLY ONE CHAOS GOD CAN EXIST BECAUSE OF PREVIOUSLY EXSTABLISHED CANON, BUT CONGRATS ON LIKE, BEING MARRIED AND STUFF. ANYWAY. BYE GUYS. SEE YOU AT GODCON, JEFF."  
  
"you betcha, charlie." jeff smiled, and winked. viktor could not believe he was married to a chaos god, but that sounded about right.  
  
Charlie blipped back to the shadow realm. Sam walked up to Dean, who was crying and being angst on the ground for reasons. Castiel zapped the three of them back to the universe and series in which they belong.  
  
and so that is how the fic ends. with jeff, high schooler/actor/chaos god and viktor, skater/high schooler/rap artist, married, with their two pet draculas, forever happy.  
  
please clap


End file.
